February 15, 2013
The other day I picked up my Jessica and was hit with the realization that I no longer have a baby. I no longer have a child that is completley and utterly dependant upon me as a mother. I have a toddler. A small child who will only continue to grow and change and need me in different ways. I have a child who dresses herself, who brushes her own teeth and who talks in full sentances. I search and I search, but I just cannot figure out where time went. Where my baby went.
As a mother, I will always be needed, but those needs change. They twist and they turn and are always finding a new path. I am happy to embrace these changes. I am happy to to fill this new role, but I can't help but dwell on the past and cherish those moments of babyhood. That first smile, the first coo and giggle. That first time rolling over and the excitement that consumed me to the point of jumping up and down, clapping and squealing like a kid in the middle of a sugar rush. Babies will do that to you. They'll take you to a new level. A new level of excitement and most certainly a new level of love.
I'm afraid there are no more babies lined up for my future, unless God has another plan. I would be lying if I told you that secretly I wish He did. But the chances are I have been blessed with three amazingly awesome children and no more. I cannot dwell on what I don't have. There's no time for dwelling. What I can do is absorb time. Embrace every moment I have because they are constantly changing and metamorphosing into something grand. My children are growing before my eyes and it is my job to be there in any way I can through every single phase.
And that's exactly what I plan on doing.